Monday, August 20, 2012

Big Pharma

Side effects include bright bedrooms.
How are your testicles? I thought mine were fine until I read about Low T, also known as Low Testosterone. This used to afflict boys choirs and great television shows like Glee, Will & Grace, and Sex in the City. I had no idea how serious it could become. Luckily, the folks at Abbott Laboratories have developed a miracle drug called Androgel 1.62% which gives all of us with Low Testicles hope for the future. You may be wondering if you’re suffering from Low T. From the Androgel 1.62% website we get a definition of this crippling affliction:

"Low Testosterone can lead to a medical condition known as hypogonadism, which has many symptoms including fatigue, decreased energy, reduced sexual desire, and depressed mood…It is estimated that Low Testosterone affects more than 15 million men in the U.S. Common symptoms include reduced sex drive, decreased energy, loss of body hair or reduced shaving, and depressed mood. There is no cure for hypogonadism. It is a medical condition that usually requires ongoing treatment."
Other side effects include hairy bellybutton.
What I thought was a symptom of being 42 turns out to be hypogonadism. Gonads. HypoGONADism. Seriously, I’m not making this shit up. Reduced shaving sounds kind of nice. If I were in the marketing department at Abbott Laboratories I might edit that from the symptoms list of hypoGONADism (heh, gonads).

Taking Androgel 1.62% does come with a few minor side effects. Again, from their website:

  • If you already have enlargement of your prostate gland, your signs and symptoms can get worse while using AndroGel 1.62% (including changes in urination)
  • Possible increased risk of prostate cancer
  • In large doses, AndroGel 1.62% may lower your sperm count
  • Swelling of your ankles, feet, or body, with or without heart failure. This may cause serious problems for people who have heart, kidney, or liver disease
  • Enlarged or painful breasts
  • Problems breathing while you sleep (sleep apnea)
  • Blood clots in the legs; this can include pain, swelling, or redness of your legs
Sunday Night Football with George Clooney.

I don’t know about you, but I’m willing to trade reduced shaving for enlarged breasts. That sounds awesome! [Note: I just discovered the enlarged breasts would be my own but I’m too fatigued to edit that line out of this post.] And that whole “loss of body hair” thing caused by Low Balls is so embarrassing. I’d much rather have my heart fail than have hairless legs. I live in a house with my wife and our children. I’m sure this medication is safe to use around them:

"Women and children should avoid contact with the unwashed or unclothed area where AndroGel 1.62% has been applied. If a woman or child makes contact with the AndroGel 1.62% application area, the contact area on the woman or child should be washed well with soap and water right away."

I’d write more about this topic, but I have no energy, a reduced sexual desire, and a depressed mood. I need to check my gonads.

The images are from CBS News and their hard-hitting, investigative reporting probably funded through advertising revenue from Abbott Laboratories.

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