Monday, December 31, 2012

“Best of 2012 List of ‘Best of 2012’ Lists I Hate”

Snowhenge - still standing on 12-22-12
Ah, the final post of the year. This is a time for reflection, recollections, and drunken fights over “best of” lists. In the spirit of the day, please enjoy J. Thorn’s “Best of 2012 List of ‘Best of 2012’ Lists I Hate”:

USA Today’s “Best of 2012 Top apps for smartphones and tablets”
Who cares about what USA Today thinks? Do they still make newspapers? Who the reads newspapers anymore?

E! Online’s “Best of 2012: Top 10 Fresh Faces of the Year”
Number 3 is a cat. Enough said.

Time Magazine’s “The 140 Best Twitter Feeds of 2012”
Who cares about what Time Magazine thinks? Do they still make magazines? Who reads magazines anymore? When I think of the best Twitter feeds, I automatically think, Time Magazine. As soon as I saw Bill Cosby’s picture from 1984, I knew Time was a cutting-edge source of tech news. Who cares about Bill Cosby? Do they still make pudding pops? Who eats pudding pops anymore?

The L.A. Time’s “Best of 2012 Pop Music: Albums”
Hipster garbage. Next.

NPR Book’s “Best Books of 2012”
Technically, Preta’s Realm came out in 2011 so…

Slate.com’s “The 10 Best Movies of 2012”
No Crawl? No Sinister? No Cabin in the Woods? Hipster garbage. Next.

IMDb’s “Most Popular Adult Feature Films Released In 2012”
I know what you’re thinking. Let me explain. This so-called “list” has no screenshots, descriptions, or trailers. Not a single title has the word “jugs” or “asses” in it. Where the hell is AVN when you need it?

*I only had time to come up with 7 on my list instead of the usual 10 because I was preparing my bunker for the Mayan Apocalypse.

Happy New Year! Let’s make 2013 one to remember…

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